The Beastmaster

The Beastmaster
(1982) [Trailer]
Director: Don Coscarelli [IMDB]

Chances are if you grew up in the 80's and had HBO, you probably saw Beastmaster at one point or another. I thought back then that it was one of the scariest films ever made. You got little kids being thrown into fire pits, creepy witch ladies with butter faces, weird bird people who turned you into human soup, and the green earwigs which turned you into a raging S&M monster... to a six year old... that's some terrifying shit. It has been a film I've been waiting to come to blu-ray, but that doesn't look like it's gonna happen anytime soon, so I just watched a shitty downloaded copy because I'm tired of waiting... I'm ready for a little Beastmaster in my life.

Synopsis: Marc Singer (aka Mark Hamill part two) is a warrior who can communicate with animals. When his village is destroyed he seeks to enact revenge on the guilty.

Beastmaster is still pretty fun and it was nice to revisit it after all this time. It's still dark and the effects hold up surprisingly well... what doesn't hold up is the acting. Marc Singer is pretty brutal and Tanya Roberts isn't much better. It's Beastmaster... I'm not really excepting Daniel Day-Lewis quality acting, so I guess I wasn't too bothered by it.

The ending seemed really dragged out. First you have the confrontation with Rip Torn (the evil preist) and then the enemy hord from the beginning return to slug it out. I think they should have just ran with one senario.

If you're into the whole sword & sandals genre and you haven't seen The Beastmaster... you should do so right away. If you're not, you could probably live out the rest of your days and be content without it in your life.

Bubba Ho-Tep

Bubba Ho-Tep
(2002) [Trailer]
Director: Don Coscarelli (IMDB)

Two of my favorite things in one movie, Elvis and horror. Lets find out if the two together are a good blend... like a nice poly-cotton.

Synopsis: Elvis isn't really dead, he has been hiding out in a nursing home. When a mummy comes to feast on the elderly patron's souls, the King has to step up to try and save the day.

Bubba Ho-Tep is directed by Don Coscarelli, who brought you Phantasm and stars Bruce Campbell from the Evil Dead movies, so I thought this would be amazing. It was not. I was pretty bored throughout this film, mainly due to its inactivity. It's very dialog heavy and then on top of that there's narration. Some of the writing is funny and witty, but the story lacks something for me. It also lacks a lot in the horror department, especially considering Coscarelli's other films. There's not much scary and very little mummy screen time. 

Campbell does a pretty good Elvis, so the movie gets points for that, but that's about it.

Phantasm & Phantasm II

I've heard a lot of great things about these films but never had the chance to actually check them out. I know the first one is considered a masterpiece in horror by many... now I will tell you if that's true or completely horse shit.

Phantasm
(1979) [Trailer]
Director: Don Coscarelli (IMDB)

Synopsis: A guy named Tall Man, no... not me... another guy, is robbing graves and using the dead for devious proposes.

This film was fantastic and a nice slice of late 70's horror. It's overly creepy and has a Lynchian vibe at times, especially the scenes in the cemetery house and the overall bizarre feeling I got while watching this. The storyline is a little less straight forward than most horror films of it's time and there's a lot of foreshadowing, which is pretty cool. It leaves you with a good amount of questions throughout and at the end of the film, but nothing that spoils the experience, if anything it enhances it. The score is memorably haunting and is up there with some of the best Carpenter scores. There's not a lot I dislike about this, I guess some of the acting could be better. I would really recommend this if you haven't seen it.

Phantasm II
(1988) [Trailer]
Director: Don Coscarelli (IMDB)

Synopsis: The protagonists from part 1 set out to hunt down the Tall Man.

This installment is more successful in terms of effects compared to part one, but mostly everything else fails to compare. I didn't hate this, but I'm not completely sold on it. I actually like a lot of the cinematography, which has a Sam Raimi feel to it at times. It's not as strong story wise, and a little less creepy. I know the director Don Coscarelli had to make a lot of concessions with Universal, including adding a love interest and getting rid of some of the original cast. I think the new additions don't hurt the film, but they don't heighten the film either. There's also some pacing issues and I felt like the middle of the film was a little boring. I would still recommend this if you're in the mood for a good 80's horror.