Eyes Wide Shut

Eyes Wide Shut

(1999) [Trailer]
Director: Stanley Kubrick (IMDB)

I love Tom Cruise and I don't give a shit what you think about him. Sure he's a Scientologist, but that's just as batty as any other religion out there. Well okay... maybe it's a little crazier. And yes, he jumped on Oprah's couch, who care's? He's a cool dude, and makes awesome movies (mostly.)

Stanley Kubrick brings you this sexual thriller involving Mr Cruise, and at the time his wife, Nicole Kidman. They are also married in this movie and are going through a bit of a rough patch. After attending a party where they both take their flirting a little too far, they head home and get naked together in front of a mirror. Later they smoke weed, and Kidman admits she almost cheated on Cruise back in the day with a sailor. This enrages Cruise and afterwards he takes off for a night of crazy shit which includes: almost nailing a hooker, walking in on two Asian gentlemen getting it on with Leelee Sobieski, attending a masked orgy, and so on.

Eyes Wide Shut is an awesome flick. It's stylistic and dreamy and has this quality of ease through out it. The character development of Cruise is great and he delivers a stellar performance. I really loved the set design for the dance scenes and the orgy scenes (that sounded weird.) I honestly can't think of anything negative to say about this. Watch it.

Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie

Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie
(2012) [Trailer]
Directors: Tim Heidecker (IMDB), Eric Wareheim (IMDB)

I saw the trailer for this a few weeks ago and I must say, I was quite excited. I love Tim and Eric Awesome Show and to see them in a full length movie with the addition of Will Ferrell, John C Reilly, and Zach Gallafaihdphdfdjhus seemed amazing. Was it? Read on, I will tell you.

The plot is pretty straight forward. Tim and Eric get a billion dollars to make a movie. They make it and it sucks. The studio heads get pissed and want their money back. Tim and Eric see a commercial on TV to manage a failing mall, in doing so, they will make a billion dollars and be able to pay back their studio. The mall is a piece of shit and they soon realize they won't make any money.

This movie wasn't as good as I hoped it would be. There's tons of hilarious stuff, don't get me wrong... but... a lot of misfires too. I absolutely felt like John C Reilly was under used. I don't think I laughed at anything involving him. Will Ferrell's parts weren't that memorable either, only slightly better then John C. The movie was really great up to the point when they arrive at the mall, then it was kind of flat for me with the exception of a few parts.

If you're a fan of the show, you'll either love this, or be somewhere in the middle on it... like myself. Non fans will fucking hate this, AKA my wife. So be warned non fans, or take a chance, maybe you'll become a follower... who knows?

It's available now on VOD/iTunes for $9.99 http://itun.es/iSH6rY Check it out for yourself and be the judge.

Observe and Report

Observe and Report
(2009) [Trailer]
Director: Jody Hill (IMDB)

I didn't know a lot about this movie going into it. I knew it starred Seth Rogen, who I like. I knew it was directed by Jody Hill, who did Eastbound & Down, which I like. So I figured why not.

Life as a mall cop isn't as easy as you'd think. Kevin James plays Paul Blart, a mall cop who finds himself in the middle of a hold up when a gang invades his mall....shit wait....that's the other mall cop movie that came out in 2009. Ok...Seth Rogen plays ANOTHER mall cop who's in love with a perfume girl. She, and many others, have been recently victimized by a serial flasher at the mall. When Seth and the rest of the mall cops (including Lance from Friday Night Lights...I mean Landry) can't apprehend the perv, the real police are called in. Ray Liotta is the lead investigator and he immediately bumps heads with Seth Rogan. From there this movie takes some pretty interesting turns.

I was honestly shocked by this movie. It was darker then I thought it was going to be. It went places I wasn't expecting and that's why I enjoyed it. It was really funny and there's a lot of laughs, but it also tries to unsettle the audience. It's obvious that Jody Hill wants to make you uncomfortable and I dug that. Hill's direction was also fun, and there's a lot of cool nods to 70's and 80's b-movies. This film wasn't perfect, but it was pretty solid. I could see myself enjoying it even more upon repeat viewings so I'll end up picking it up on blu-ray soon.

Dumbo

Dumbo
(1941) [Trailer]

I just ordered a shit ton of Disney movies...so expect many Disney reviews. Oh...you're too cool for Disney, you'd rather have an art house film review. Fuck you man! You'll get what I give you.

Dumbo is about an elephant who wants a baby. She is delivered one by a seagull...but...the baby is deformed. Serves you right for getting a newborn off the black market. It's not really a freak, it just has big ears. The baby elephant befriends a mouse, drinks some spiked water, goes on a 15 minute acid bender, and then flies.

Dumbo is a movie I watched a lot as a child. I remembered a lot of this, but not everything, as I was only 6 years old. I definitely didn't remember Dumbo's acid trip. That was awesome. What drugs were the boys at Disney taking back in 41? From an artistic stand point, that scene and the rest of the film are incredible. The animation holds up so well, especially given the Disney blu-ray treatment. This was really fun to re-watch and a great addition to my collection.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
(2011) [Trailer]
Director: David Fincher (IMDB)

David Fincher gets the job done in my book. I've really enjoyed most of his films and was definitely happy to find out he was behind the American remake of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Why you ask? Because I can't stand watching movies with subtitles and I don't read good. I kid. I kid. I actually saw all the original Swedish films in the series, which were good. My one complaint was I felt they could have looked a little better. I haven't read the books...but apparently everyone else in NYC has based off the amount of people I've seen with a copies of them.

The story centers around a Journalist (Daniel Craig) who gets hired by a wealthy man (Christopher Plummer) to help uncover the mystery behind the death of his Niece, which happened over 40 years ago. Craig is left to fill in the pieces with very little info and only the help of Plummer's crazy ass family. He eventually starts to unravel the secrets of the disappearance, and soon is aided by an assistant...some chick with a sweet lizard tat. Lisbeth (Rooney Mara) is one goth you don't wanna cross. She's got tattoos, piercings and a bad attitude...but she also has a photographic memory and mad computer skills. Lisbeth and Daniel Craig eventually figure shit out and that's where I'll leave you. Go see for yourself.

This movie is great. Great source material, great acting and now great direction. Just great great great. Is that enough greats for you? Where as the Swedish film seemed a little lifeless, Fincher's rendition takes all that worked with those films and elevated it. The intro made my arm hairs stand up. The score was fantastic (NIN...totally!) The cinematography was beautiful, and really captivating. Rooney Mara was fantastic, and when compared to the original Lisbeth (who was the best of the original cast), held her own. I really have to say...this would have made my top ten, had I seen it last year. Definitely a pleaser.

2012

2012
(2009) [Trailer]
Director: Roland Emmerich (IMDB)

I went to Mexico last year and I went to party!!! Well...that and to see Chichen Itza. The Mayans were rad people, and to say they were a head of their time would be apropos. They also predicted the world would end this year...we're all fucked. Just kidding...I hope. Leave it to Roland Emmerich, king of disaster flicks, to pick up on their prophecy and turn it into a major motion picture.

The story is as follows. The Earth's center is heating up because of particles, or some shit, that are being released from the sun...I'm not a scientist, I'm a blogger. John Cusack plays a guy who gets lucky, real lucky. The planet is coming to an end and he cheats death a billion times in this movie. He also brings along his family. When the government finds out about the world falling apart they build "arks" to save humanity. Only the rich people can afford tickets for the "arks"....damn 1%, always screwing the common man. Through a series of very unbelievable events, John and Co make it on to the "ark"...but will they survive?

There's so many ridiculous things going on here, and if you're one of those people who love to tear apart plot holes in movies, you'll love this. Or hate it. For a block buster, popcorn movie it's decent. There's some pretty cool special effects, and it was a good time to watch all those people die...that didn't sound right. I did feel like the run time was a bit long and there was a good deal of cheesy parts. To wrap it up I will say this...It was much better than I anticipated, but nothing earth shattering...get it...see what I did there?

Who Can Kill a Child?

Who Can Kill a Child?
(1976) [Full Movie]
Director: Narciso Ibáñez Serrador (IMDB)

I hate children. I would go as far as to say I never want them. I used to think that was a pretty shitty stance to have, but after watching Who Can Kill a Child, my opinion has been reinforced.

Who Can Kill a Child takes place in Spain. These two English tourists head to a small Island for vacation. This island doesn't get much in the way of visitors and when the couple arrive it seems deserted, with the exception of children. Turns out the kids are all possessed and out for blood. They killed all the adults on the island and the newcomers are next in line.

I have mixed feeling about this movie. I wanted to love it when I first heard about it, but it fell flat in a lot of places. First off, the intro is the worst, totally depressing and repetitious. It basically shows stock footage of dead or dying children with statistics of body counts from different wars, spliced with audio of a child singing this creepy ass tune. After about a minute in I was ready to fast forward through it. Plus it adds nothing to the movie, I understood what the film maker was trying to say with it, but it was just really awkward and weird. When the actual movie starts, as a whole, it was pretty cool. It's loaded with lots of cool vintage 70's vibes and the scenes when the kids all gang up together were really successful. It did lack a lot on believability, you absolutely must suspend disbelief, especially when it comes to some of the decisions the couple makes. They are idiots. I would say if you're into horror, give it a run, it was pretty fun.