Battleship

Battleship
(2012) [Trailer]
Director:  Peter Berg [IMDB]

I was debating whether or not I was going to review this film. My brother reviewed it a while back. I felt since it'd already been represented on the site and I'm a lazy bastard... then screw it... it doesn't need another review. But alas, I mustered up the strength to belt out a few words on this monstrosity... so here we go.

Synopsis: A board game meets space aliens starring Rihanna.

Man.... where to start with this. I knew before going into Battleship that it was going to be bad, but I didn't release how laughably bad it was. It's really cheesy and felt like a commercial for the Navy most of the time you're watching it. To say there are plot holes would be an understatement. For example, aliens have the technology to travel hundreds of lightyears to our planet but they don't have the ability to send an email back home without using our satellites? The characters are all surface level and don't have any real depth, but it's a popcorn blockbuster, so I guess we give it a pass in that department. The scientist is one of the biggest morons out there.... they actually wrote a part into this where he sees a guy with prosthetic legs and thinks he's an alien? Really, you're a college graduated scientist and you've never seen a guy with prosthetic legs?

Battleship wasn't a total waste. I sat through the 2+ hour run time and was entertained, so it has got that going for it. There's also a pretty cool montage of them prepping the battleship for the final fight, which I thought was alright. Maybe if you're really bored on a Sunday afternoon, give it a go, but don't try too hard to track it down.

The Fury

The Fury
(1978) [Trailer]
Director: Brian De Palma [IMDB]

Variety is the spice of life. Going from films like From Beyond to To the Wonder to The Fury keeps things interesting for me. One ingredient I haven't skimped out on in this gumbo of movie reviews I make is Brian De Palma. He has gotten some love from me here at WFR and for good reason. His films are truly entertaining and always aim to please. Recently I picked up this Twilight Time release for way too much money... so now, I'll tell you if it was worth it.

Synopsis: A man must fight against a secret government agency holding his son capivate because of his psychic abilities.

The Fury was a pretty awesome film. It has that cool late 70's vibe to it and resonates a strong Hitchcockian vibe to it... only with more blood. Kirk Douglas, John Cassavetes, and Amy Irving were all really good and Andrew Stevens has a very gnarly protruding forehand vein. I loved the use of gore in The Fury, while not extremely prevalent, when it's there it's effective... with the ending being the cherry on top.

Plotwise, there were a few things that felt hard to digest and some pacing issues, but overall this film is a winner in my book. If you don't feel like dishing out the absurd $30 price tag that Twilight Time releases have, go download it... it's worth a poke.

To the Wonder

To the Wonder
(2013) [Trailer]
Director: Terrence Malick [IMDB]

I was planning on checking out and reviewing this film opening day (last Friday), but I got a little side tracked. Well... not really a little side tracked, but a lot of side tracked. My appendix ruptured and I had to have some pretty intense surgery that left me out of the reviewing game for a short spell. Now I'm back home recouping and due to the magic of VOD, I don't have to leave my house (which sucks in my current condition) to knock back a new review of the master's (Terrence Malick) newest installment... To the Wonder.

Synopsis: Ben Affleck falls in love in Paris with a woman who he brings back to Oklahoma and make his happily wedded wife.

I would consider Terrence Malick one of the greatest directors living today... especially in the art-house genre. I've seen every one of his films and pretty much loved each of them. To the Wonder, for me, was one of the biggest must see films in the 2013 bracket. Now with all that said, where does this film stand?

Right after I finished it I thought... hmmm... 4 stars? It was everything you'd want Malick to throw up on screen. Beautiful narration, seemingly flawless cinematography, and inspired locations that feel untraveled by other auteurs. Still something felt a little lost on me. It seemed to play its hand for a while and I felt myself disconnecting with the film from time to time.

After finishing it, I got online, dorked around a bit, and then decided to bang out this review. I sat here and thought how I'd like to approach my review, what things disappointed me... then I realized I couldn't think of anything. Beside the pacing issue I mentioned, it's perfect. There are scenes in this film that make me feel something for life and humanity. I wanted to travel through the same grassy fields and stare at the same wildebeests. It was really gorgeous and pure.

Malick is an artist that I think most people either love or don't care about. His cinematic voice is a strong one, which can't be denied. Even if you didn't like this film, I think you could appreciate it's integrity.

   

From Beyond

From Beyond
(1986) [Trailer]
Director: Stuart Gordon [IMDB]

I reviewed Stuart Gordon's horror cult classic Re-Animator back in December. Right around that time Scream Factory (one of the greatest curators and providers of horror movies working today) announced they would be releasing Gordan's next film after Re-Animator... From Beyond. Like Re-Animator, From Beyond is another H.P. Lovecraft adaption and stars two of the same actors from Re-Animator. Being that I never saw it, I was hoping for some good times based off the people involved... so let's get into it.

Synopsis: Scientists develop a machine that fuses our dimension with another, but they weren't ready for what they found on the other side.

From Beyond is a lot of fun. It's totally loaded with gore and amazing 80's practical effects work. Actually, I'd say it's a huge step up from Re-Animator in that department. If you're squeamish, I'd avoid this.

It wastes little time getting into the story and keeps you pretty invested, I'd say maybe the last 30 minutes it started to slow down for me. The acting is about on par with Re-Animator.... it's not great, but serviceable.

If you're a fan of blood and guts (who isn't) then check this bad larry out.

Red Dawn vs Red Dawn

I make it a point to be open minded about movies... but that wasn't always the case. I use to despise the idea of my favorite classics getting the reboot. I've dropped that way of thinking after being completely won over by a couple of remakes throughout the last few years... and honestly, who gives a shit.. even if the remake sucks, you still have the original to keep you warm at night.

Red Dawn
(1984) [Trailer]
Director: John Milius [IMDB]

Synopsis: Russia and Cuba invade the US and a group of small town high schoolers fight back.

This movie was a big big favorite of mine as a kid and during the Cold War I was obsessed with the thought about being taken out by a nuclear bomb or even worse... an invasion. Red Dawn played on those fears so perfectly and there wasn't a child after watching this movie who couldn't imagine that scenario happening to them.

I was surprised how much I still enjoyed Red Dawn. It wastes zero time getting into the shit. Within 10 minutes the Russian have taken over and the boys are on the run. Patrick Swayze (RIP) is totally believable in his roll as the older brother who has to keep his act together and unify the group. There are a lot of emotional scenes that could have gone south quickly, but were actually very solid (the one with Harry Dean Stanton and the boys was the best.) I also didn't remember how great the scenery and cinematography were... it's an extremely good looking film (especially on blu-ray.) Red Dawn's pacing and some of the performances were spotty at times, but overall I really enjoyed my rewatch of this 80's classic.

Red Dawn
(2012) [Trailer]
Director: Dan Bradley [IMDB]

Synopsis: Same shit as the first one only replace the Russians with the North Koreans.

You really have to suspend disbelief in order to get into the movie. Knowing the current state of things in North Korea, the fact that they could come over and invade the US is pretty absurd... but whatever. The remake treads on pretty similar grounds as it's predecessor, only something felt off. The original had an overly dark ending where mostly everyone dies, which I thought was awesome and gave way to more ups and downs. This take; however, steers the film into different territory, there's one shocking scene, but other than that it's pretty predictable.

There's one part in this film that was absolutely unreal. I guess this could be considered spoilerville... but not really... so read on. There is a kid in the group who after being taken captive rats out the group. Later in, maybe after a week or so you see this same kid is now decked out as a solider for the Koreans. You're telling me in a matter of a month, this guy felt it necessary to betray his friends and country? Not only that, but the Koreans would trust him enough to make him a commander? Please. It's bad enough I have to pretend the North Koreans could invade us, but that shit is just wacky.

All and all, it wasn't a horrible film, but it wasn't good either.

THE VERDICT: Ultimately the original is vastly superior and wins the battle. The concept behind these films is kind of unrealistic, but at least during the height of the Cold World you could actually believe the Russians could have pulled something like this off....but... the North Koreans? Nope.

The African Queen

The African Queen
(1951) [Trailer]
Director: John Huston [IMDB]

This review is a long time coming. I picked this up on blu-ray awhile back and have been meaning to get to it. I've reviewed a few John Huston films on here before and they are always a hit, so I was definitely excited to sit down with this classic.

Synopsis: Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn slowly start to  gain feelings for one another as they set course down river on the African Queen to do battle against a German river boat during WWI.

John Huston is an extremely entertaining director. All his films I've seen thus far are always jam packed with excitement and interest. The African Queen is no different. It feels timeless and solid, taking no time to unfold.

One of the greatest strengths of this film is its location. The scenes of the river flowing through Africa really look incredible in 1080p and the blu-ray is a must for any real collector.

Bogart and Hepburn's chemistry works in a weird way. At first she has a prudish vibe to her and acts like his boss. Slowly that fades and wonderment of the African river takes her over, making her drop her facade. I think it's then that Bogart sees the real person before him that he falls for. It all plays out so smoothly and locks you in.

I'm a fan of this title and like all the Huston film's I've seen, it has huge rewatch potential.

Rock of Ages

Rock of Ages
(2012) [Trailer]
Director: Adam Shankman [IMDB]

Check this video out real quick... did you watch it? How bad ass is that intro? I love Game of Thrones and it's back in full swing as of last night. You may be asking yourself "What the hell does this have to do with Rock of Ages?" Well... last night after I finished up with the season premier of Game of Thrones, HBO decided to throw on Rock of Ages. I was taking care of a few things online (porn) when I looked up and realized it was on. It was late and I was ready for bed... but it was like a train wreck in front of me and I couldn't turn away.

Synopsis: A musical that uses every 80's hair metal song ever, set to the story of the undeniable love of a hick girl and a rockinroller.

Man... this movie was really bad.... like, extremely bad. It's actually somewhat hard to put into words. You ever see something that's so cringe worthy and awful, that you're almost embarrassed to be watching it? That's this movie. Tom Cruise, who I'm normally a fan of, is so cheesy in this. If I could, I would have gone through the screen and punched Russell Brand in the face... that guy is the worst.

I guess there are people out there who love this kind of stuff, but I'm not one of them. I will give this film some credit, I watched a little over half of it before I couldn't take it anymore. I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT! NO... I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT... I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT... ANYMOREEEEE!  (click link to further bad joke)