Pain & Gain

Pain & Gain
(2013) [Trailer]
Director: Michael Bay (IMDB)

The Williams brothers are coming at you with a first. Dueling reviews on the same movie... on the same day. We both, along with Papi Williams, went out to the theater together to check out a flick and get in a little bonding time. There wasn't much out we could all agree on except for Michael Bay's newest flick... Pain & Gain. Michael Bay is responsible for the worst movie trilogy of all time... Transformers. After watching those God awful films you would think I would have wrote Mr. Bay off. He did manage to make The Rock and Armageddon, which I enjoyed, so I thought I'd give him another chance.

Synopsis: Based on true events, three muscle bound trainers hatch a plan to rob a rich client of all his money... things don't go according to plan.

I thought Pain & Gain was a decent enough film and entertaining for the most part. It definitely feels like a Michael Bay film... there are lots of models, fast cars, flashy camera angles, and the police look like army soliders. Also... it's set in Miami which is basically the prefect town for one of his films. The story is engrossing and feels like something you'd see in a Coen Brothers film... basically idiots getting deeper and deeper into the shit because of money. The great thing is that most of the film is true, which makes it even more interesting. Wahlberg and The Rock were both pretty good and their partner (not sure his name and I'm too lazy to look him up) was alright as well.

Some of laughs and characters fell flat for me... especially the blond english chick and the guy from Community. The movie is also long and the last 3o mins drags on.

Pain & Gain is worth it, if you're into dark comedies about crime, give it a go.

The Place Beyond the Pines

The Place Beyond the Pines
(2013) [Trailer]
Director: Derek Cianfrance [IMDB]

Derek Cianfrance cranked out one of my favorite films in 2010... Blue Valentine. So I was happy to hear he was teaming back up with Ryan Gosling (so hot right now) again for a new film. I didn't know anything about The Place Beyond the Pines going into it, I just wanted to be surprised... and boy was I.

Synopsis: A young motorcycle stunt driver's bad decisions affect his and a rookie cop's life in unforeseen ways.

The Place Beyond the Pines unfolds in a really interesting and unique way that was masterfully executed on screen by Mr. Cianfrance. This film will be pretty difficult to talk about without getting into spoilers but I'm gonna try and do my best since it's still in the theaters. The introduction of characters and where they exist within the timeline of the story keeps things fresh and makes the run time (140 mins) not seem so long. There were a few believability issues I had, but not enough to ruin the picture. The music, cinematography and locations were all perfect and helped deliver a pleasurable viewing experience.

My wife said before we watched this that she had heard it's depressing... that wouldn't surprise me after seeing Blue Valentine. The events that take place throughout A Place Beyond the Pines were somewhat of a bum out at times, but that mixed with all the other elements of the film just make great cinema. For me, the ending of this movie wasn't a downer at all, it had a "there's a light at the end of the tunnel" vibe to it.

This is an absolute recommendation from me if you're into crime dramas with a little twist to them. I loved it.

The Twilight Saga

No movie franchise out there gets more hatred than the Twilight Saga. I know, as a cinephile, one is meant to automatically despise these films... but why? Sure, I've heard the reasons, but when it comes down to it I can't say shit... you know why? I haven't seen these fucking movies. Nothing annoys me more than someone who is so steadfastly against a film they have no experience watching. In my opinion, you have no opinion on Twilight unless you've sat down and watched them. So, I decided to strap in and form my own opinion on these films. Let's see if they're really as bad as people think they are.

Twilight

(2008) [Trailer]

Director: Catherine Hardwicke [IMDB]

Synopsis: Bella goes to stay with her dad in a small Washington town where she starts to fall for a young vampire named Edward.

My first impression of this film is that... it's not that bad. Before watching it I was expecting this to be the worst piece of shit I've ever seen and it's no where near close to that (Catwoman). The acting is spotty at times and the story has a few plot holes, but nothing too damaging to the whole ride. I thought Twilight was an entertaining story and it unfolds at a respectable pace. 

The color correction in Twilight is definitely noticeable, everything is very saturated and seems unreal. The effects they used whenever someone runs super fast looked awful and almost humorous at times.   

I can see why people think this is a movie for teenage girls, but it isn't nearly as bad as the wrap it gets.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

(2009) [Trailer]

Director: Chris Weitz [IMDB]

Synopsis: Jacob, who's more of an afterthought in the first movie, is now thrust into the spotlight as he falls in love with Bella after Edward takes off on her... ahhh young love.

This installment was a little lack luster in my opinion. It feels similar to the first chapter aesthetically, but the story is pretty boring. It's basically Kristin Stewart trying to figure out who she loves and it starts to get boring fast. Halfway through I was ready for New Moon to wrap up, but no.... it keeps going and going and takes forever to finish. In terms of traditional story telling, New Moon completely veers off course. There's no real interesting exposition, no climax, and no resolution. It's a bit of a wet noodle and gets a failing grade at the school of WFR.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
(2010) [Trailer]
Director: David Slade [IMDB]

Synopsis: Bella has to choose between the two boys and everyone braces for a conflict with a rogue group of young vampires.

Eclipse comes back with a much easier story to digest and I'd say it's the strongest of the series so far, but not by a lot. The lead up and execution of the battle gives you something to look forward too, it also breaks up the romance which is what the last movie needed.

Jacob is always shirtless in Eclipse and it's hilarious. Why? I mean I know the guy is ripped but seriously it starts to become really ridiculous. His wolf pack doesn't wear shirts, I'm assuming because they turn into wolves and don't want to ruin a good shirt, but what about their cut off jean shorts?

 

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

(2011) [Trailer]

Director: Bill Condon [IMDB]

Synopsis: Bella and Edward tie the knot... finally. After their honeymoon Bella finds out she's preggers... but things don't go according to plan.

This film was overly stale and a yawn-fest. It, like New Moon, doesn't go anywhere interesting. The first half of Part 1 is basically Bella and Edward getting married and going on a honeymoon. Sure, they finally bone and for many people invested heavily into their romance it was probably a big deal... I could have cared less honestly. It's slightly better than New Moon because it doesn't feel as long, but that's about it. 

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 

(2011) [Trailer]

Director: Bill Condon [IMDB]

Synopsis: Bella and Edward finally have their child and in order to deliver it... spoiler... Bella finally turns and becomes a vampire.

First things first... the CG baby. What in the actual fuck... they couldn't find a normal baby? They had to CG a baby face? It's creepy as shit and extremely distracting.

This slice of Twilight injects a ton of new characters without giving you any real knowledge of who they are or why they are important... only that they're there to help the Cullens battle against the Volturi (the vampires who run shit.) The lead up to the final battle is alright, but the outcome of the fight is a little lame. Jacob becomes a glorified babysitter, guess he got the short end of the stick. Part 2 wraps up the saga in a decent way, but still left me feeling a little underwhelmed.

The Twilight Saga is ok. Nothing great. Nothing offensive... well maybe a few little things. Overall I wasn't too bent out of shape running through these films. I can say the Transformers Trilogy (Saga) was way more shitty than Twilight. Fucking Michael Bay.