The Bay

The Bay
(2012) [Trailer]
Director: Barry Levinson [IMDB]

The wife and I spent Christmas eve with our good friends Shawn and Doug. We decided to get into the holiday spirit with a great Christmas classic... The Bay.

Synopsis: A small town on the Chesapeake Bay starts to get infected with a mysterious plague.

It's hard to believe the same guy that brought you Rain Man, Sleepers, and Good Morning Vietnam is responsible for this film. It's a 180 from any of those and pretty bad by comparison.

The Bay employs the use of the "found footage" genre which is so hot these days. I enjoy a good found footage film as much as the next guy and The Bay does a good job holding to that aesthetic. It also delivers some great practical effects work... the hives people got and the little trilobite critters were pretty awesome. That's about it for the good stuff.

The science in The Bay is really wack and the way these events come to play and the way they are resolved are really unbelievable. The acting was pretty bad, but in a unique way, everyone seemed to be real enough but there was no emotion behind anything. Levinson also kept using these flashbacks to try and help the viewer piece the narrative together... the film's only 80 minutes, I think we can figure it out.

There's some unintentional funny moments throughout The Bay's run time, but I'll save them for now until you see the film... ok? Cool, email me when you're done.

Re-Animator

Re-Animator
(1985) [Trailer]
Director: Stuart Gordon [IMDB]

I haven't seen this movie since I was a kid and I had honestly forgotten most of it. I remember there being lots of blood and nudity... you know what...  my memory is actually better than I thought.

Synopsis: A mad scientist invents a serum that brings the recently deceased back to life.

First, the good. The gore is amazing. You get tons of blood and guts... if you're squeamish I'd avoid this title. There's lots of nudity too, not just boobs, but like naked dead people trying to kill you... which is way better than plain old boobs. Stylistically, it's an impressive horror film with some of the best opening title credits out there and a killer score to boot.

Now, the bad. The acting is shit in many spots throughout its run time, it's a campy horror movie, so it's a little more forgivable I guess. The story is decent, but it's a bit predictable, especially the ending.

I'd definitely recommend this if you're into horror, especially from the golden age of the 80's.

Halloween Anthology

Here's a beautiful poem called 'Halloween' to get you in the mood for this upcoming holiday season... Bonfires burning bright. Pumpkin faces in the night. I remember Halloween. Dead cats hanging from poles. Little dead are out in droves. I remember Halloween. If this beautiful limerick from the great Glenn Danzig doesn't do it for you, maybe a full detailed analysis of the Halloween anthology will.

Halloween

(1978) [Trailer]

Director: John Carpenter [IMDB]

Synopsis: A psycho killer escapes from the mental ward and goes on a killing spree.

I consider this one of the greatest horror films of all time and it's absolutely the best slasher film ever made. From that very first long extended shot of Micheal going through the house and killing his sister... I instantly fell in love with this movie. I really dig how Carpenter keeps injecting Michael into the background and letting the viewer know that he's always stalking his prey. The score is a masterpiece and untouched by any other horror film. For it's genre and time, it is perfection for me. Get on it.

Halloween II

(1981) [Trailer]

Director: Rick Rosenthal [IMDB]

Synopsis: Picking up moments after the ending of part 1... Michael returns to kill again.

Rick Rosenthal takes the directing reins, but Carpenter is still involved as a writer, so for me part two feels similar to it's predecessor. However, it's not nearly as good in my opinion. It's tends to drag it's feet a little towards the end and I started to lose interest. I'm not saying this is a bad film, it's not, it's just hard to recreate the glory of the first installment.

It was nice to see the kid from The Last Starfighter in this and also the return of Donald Pleasence and Jamie Lee Curtis.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch
(1982) [Trailer]
Director: Tommy Lee Wallace [IMDB]

Synopsis: Michael is back and ready for... wait... no he's not.

You read that right, there's no Michael Myers in this chapter and honestly I couldn't give a shit. I have 5 other movies starring that fucker that I have to watch, so it's a nice change of pace for me. Basically this film feels like an extended episode of the Twilight Zone but with a little more gore. It also reminded me a lot of They Live and Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I really enjoyed this much more than I thought I would. The concept is a bit involved and the execution of it isn't 100%, but it's still solid film. Highlights for me were: 1. The overly catchy shamrock song I will probably be singing tomorrow. 2. The Doctor and girl's hook up that starts with the line "Where would you like to sleep, Dr. Challis?" 3. The score. 4. The creepy old lady knitting. 5. The kid being murdered... that's always fun.

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
(1988) [Trailer]
Director: Dwight H. Little [IMDB]

Synopsis: Michaels back alright...

This film pays heavy homage to the first chapter. It hits on everything that makes these movies click and does a decent job at it. It's not miraculous but it's pretty entertaining. Acting wise it's alright, there are some spotty moments here and there. Donald Pleasence is back and this time there's a little girl that eats up most of the screen time, she's okay I guess... you may recognize her from Adventures in Babysitting.   The Return of Michaels Myers best moments come towards the last 20 minutes and the ending of the film is really solid.

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
(1989) [Trailer]
Director: Dominique Othenin-Girard (IMDB)

Synopsis: Do I really need to add a synopsis at this point... I don't think so.

If part 4's intent was to emulate part 1, part 5's intent is to emulate part 4... basically it's the same soup warmed over... and definitely not as good. Judging from the close proximity of the release dates, it seems like this installment was cranked out to ride on the success of part 4. Revenge stars the same little girl, Donald Pleasence, and the main older teen from part 4. The weird thing is the older teenage girl is killed in the first 15 minutes and after she's killed it seems like no one even cares where she is or if she's ok... especially considering the circumstances. It seems pretty useless to me to bring that character back. Also there are these two cops who are partners and the director tries to give them this hokey slap stick vibe which didn't work for me... even going as far as to put these weird sound effects in, which were ridiculous. The last thing is the ending, it was bad... I won't spoil it but there's this unseen man with steel toed boots that's completely unexplained and pointless.

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

(1995) [Trailer]

Director: Joe Chappelle [IMDB]

Synopsis: Refer to part 4.

This movie is a mess. Tonally 'The Curse of Michael Myers' is completely unlike the others so far and you immediately know that it was made in the 90's. I knew instantly that I was going to hate this film when the narration started in the beginning... you have this guy lazily giving you back story that really doesn't help support the film itself. I felt like most of this movie didn't really add up to anything cohesive. There's zero character development, so everyone that you're introduced to you could give a shit about when Michael is hacking them up. The addition of the druids and their back story didn't add much to this film as well.

One other glaring problem is... this is 6 years after the last movie, which would mean that Michael's niece (the little girl from the last two movies) is 15 years old and pregnant... there's no way the girl cast in this film is anywhere near 15.

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
(1998) [Trailer]
Director: Steve Miner [IMDB]

Synopsis: Jamie Lee Curtis is back along with director Steve Miner from the Friday the 13th franchise.

This film moves back towards the original tone of the first two. There's a pretty long stretch with no activity in the middle of H20, and by no activity I mean... Michael chopping up people. You actually have a surprising cast of people who went on to bigger and better things... Josh Hartnett, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Michelle Williams... oh yeah and L...L... Cool J? This installment focuses on Jamie Lee Curtis getting over her fear of Michael and confronting him head on. H20 is ok I guess and not as bad as I had heard.

One thing real quick... Michael steals a car in Illinois and drives it all the way to California.... how's he getting gas?

Halloween: Resurrection
(2002) [Trailer]
Director: Rick Rosenthal [IMDB]

Synopsis: Michael terrorizes a group of reality TV stars who invade his former home.

This movie is a turd. It's chopped full of product placement to the point where it bothered me, which it normally doesn't. It's a pretty weak story and delivered by a bunch of shit actors including Busta Rhymes. I'll be honest... I fell asleep halfway through this and I seriously have no desire to go back and see how it ended.

  

Thriller: A Cruel Picture (AKA They Call Her One Eye)

Thriller: A Cruel Picture (AKA They Call Her One Eye)
(1974) [Full Movie]
Director: Bo Arne Vibenius [IMDB]

Synopsis: A young girl turns mute after being raped, then later in life she's abducted, drugged and forced into prostitution... and you thought your life was hard. She then decides to turn the tide and get revenge on the people who have wronged her.

This was supposedly a big influence on Tarantino when he was making Kill Bill and after watching it, I can see why. This movie is pretty fucked up and includes violence, drugs and nudity... I'm actually surprised it's on youtube (it's down below if you wanna watch it... hurry I'm sure it won't be up there long.) Thriller feels a little more elevated than your normal exploitation film, it has a lot of cool camera work and the score is pretty weird... in an interesting way. There are a lot of plot holes, so you'll have to suspend disbelief a little, but overall it's a pretty cool film. Check it.

Silent Hill

Silent Hill
(2006) [Trailer]
Director: Christophe Gans [IMDB]

My wife and I decided to sit down yesterday evening with our daughter and have a movie night. So at this point in the review (if you know me) you're probably asking yourself "Wait... Curtis doesn't have a kid?" You would be correct, we have a Zoe... an adopted older child who hangs out with us from time to time. She's like a wild feral cat we've taken in... she's independent but will often return to us for food and temporary shelter. It was her recommendation that we watch this movie and I ended up finding it for cheap on blu-ray... so here you go.

Synopsis: A little girl goes missing after her mom takes her to a mysterious ghost town called...you guessed it... Silent Hill.

This film is very convoluted and the story line is a bit of a stretch, but at the end of it you'll get the over all gist of things. The film definitely feels like a Marilyn Manson video, with that said there's a lot of really impressive visuals, especially if you're a goth. I wasn't a fan of the little girl in this, she's not the best at that whole thing they call acting. I'm about 50/50 on this, it isn't mind blowing, just good creepy horror and fun for the whole family.

30 Days of Night

30 Days of Night
(2007) [Trailer]
Director: David Slade (IMDB)

During my youth, my parents moved around a lot. They were part of a circus... that is, if you consider the Navy a circus. My dad was stationed all over the place and one stop had us in Iceland. I was a little too young to remember it but I heard stories of how it'd be dark all day during the winter. Last summer I actually got to go stay with some friends in Iceland and I felt the opposite end the scale, it was day light until 4 in the morning. I always thought living in a place with extreme days and nights would be cool. That is until I saw this fucking thing.

Synopsis: A group of vampires take a vacation to the town of Barrow, Alaska where it stays dark for a month.

This is my second time viewing this, but my first time on blu-ray disc (I picked it up for a mere $4.99), and I feel about the same as I did before. I think it's a fun horror film, but nowhere near perfect.

The strength in this film lays in it's location and theme. It all about people being trapped and an evil force trying to kill them off one by one, which in my opinion is the best mock up for a horror movie and when done right (The Thing) can lead to great results. 30 Days executes this motif fairly well and setting it in a snowy/remote area reminds me a lot of another film (The Thing.) Josh Hartnett was actually pretty good and the rest of the cast were serviceable. The gore and blood, which are obviously essential, are at an 8 out of 10 for me.

The weakness of 30 Days would be some of the decisions made by Slade, especially adding in unnecessary characters. The first guy wandering through the snow was pointless to the film. Also bringing back the other sheriff and the random little girl at the end was weird. Speaking of little girls, the baby vampire and her lines were ridiculous.

Even with all it's flaws, I still enjoy this movie a lot. I'd recommend it.   

Jaws

Jaws
(1975) [Trailer]
Director: Steven Spielberg (IMDB)

I have made no secret of my love for Steven Spielberg (director) on this blog before. Some of my favorite movies of all time have had him involved and in terms of horror Jaws is definitely one of the best.

Synopsis: Like you don't already know.

This is more of a review of the recently released blu-ray for Jaws. Anyone that wants to know why blu-ray is awesome and why they should get rid of their shit DVD's, watch this. I saw Jaws a few months back through On Demand and the differences between that viewing and this one are night and day. The transfer is immaculate and one of the best that I've seen... it looks like it was filmed yesterday.

I don't think there will ever be a reason to move onto another format after blu-ray. If studios just took the right kind of time to clean up older releases that's all you'd need. There is no way this film could look any better.

Oh yeah... as for the film. It's awesome obviously and definitely holds up. I'm pretty sure everyone out there above the age of 25 has probably seen this, if you haven't, go ahead and treat yourself.

The Exorcist

The Exorcist
(1970) [The Greatest Trailer Ever Made!]
Director: William Friedkin (IMDB)

Synopsis: William Friedkin deals one hell of a hand with this thriller about a girl who becomes possessed by the devil.

First... let me start by saying that this is one of the greatest horror movies of all time in my book. It has everything that makes a horror film work... religion, creepy kids, hallucinations, and murder. If you haven't seen this, you're not living life man!

I know I've been on a bit of a Friedkin kick, but I didn't pick this out, my life partner did. We scooped up a new home theater system and this was her selection to test it out. It was a great pick. The Exorcist's sound design deserves a true 5.1 dolby surround sound treatment and the new addition delivered the goods, making this movie experience even scarier. The Exorcist still creeps me out and I can only imagine how terrifying it must have been seeing it back in the 70's... oh yeah that's right... I don't have to imagine. I will leave you with one horrifying image... my old bandmates and I on The Exorcist steps in Georgetown.

Funny Games

Funny Games
(1997) [Trailer]
Director: Michael Haneke (IMDB)

Synopsis: A family weekend at the lake house is rudely interrupted by to psychopaths.

Michael Haneke recently remade an English version of this film as well, so if you're not a fan of subtitles I guess he has got you covered on both ends. I can read, so it doesn't matter to me.

Funny Games is big win for me, I really enjoyed it and it's unlike any thriller I've seen in recent memory. I knew I was in for a treat when the opening title popped up on screen. There's a lot of interesting things that are foreshadowed throughout the first half of the movie... the neighbors, the knife, the golf clubs and so on. What really impressed me was how unconventional Funny Games is. I'm gonna say if you're not interested in having the movie spoiled, stop here and watch it, it rules. It's available on Netflix streaming.

SPOILER START: Haneke does a masterful job at toying with the audience in this film.
Three examples that I loved:
1. The scene where the wife is forced to strip in front of the family. A normal film would have exploited that and showed the nudity, instead Haneke filmed a close up of the mothers face.
2. The rewind scene, when you finally think the mother has revenge, it's striped away from you.
3. The boat scene at the end... you know the knife is there, but it's quickly tossed off the boat and the mother follows right behind it.

It's like Haneke knows you're a sick fuck... you want nudity...you want violence and revenge... nope. He gives it to you his way. The bad guys win. SPOILER END.

What Women Want

What Women Want

(2000) [Trailer]
Director: Nancy Meyers (IMDB)

Hello reader, I am back and better than ever with a new Fun review. As you can see, I have decided to review a film that I feel this website has needed for some time, What Women Want. Now you might ask yourself, why Sam, why would you review a film from 2000, which is ultimately forgettable at best. Well the hell with you, how dare you think you can tell me what to review. When you decide to write your reviews, you can choose the film so let me choose mine.

Nick Marshall (played by the notoriously friendly Mel Gibson) is a salesman who is fantastic at selling to men but even better at seducing women. He is without a doubt a male chauvinist. Yet this chauvinist is in for a RUDE awakening. One night while attempting to understand the mind of women (a fairly common thing for men), he decides that trying on feminine products in the bathroom will help him gain understanding. His belief being that a little makeup and some tampons hold all of the secrets of the mind of a woman. Well, before you dismiss that (of course you do, don’t knock something until you try it), Nick accidently falls into the tub while crimping his hair giving him an electric shock. What happens? Well, instead of simply killing him or at best badly burning him, he is given the power to read only women’s minds. Well I think you can guess what happens next, (at first scared, then excited, then hates it and finally learns a valuable lesson from it).

Overall, I found this film a decent idea (again what man wouldn’t want to know what women think) but overall it lacked the depth that would make this a good film. There are a few funny parts (reading a woman’s mind during intercourse) but overall not enough funny for me to overlook the glaring logical errors and lack of creativity. Just a few for the fun of it, why would an electric shock give him the ability to read minds, why would this shock give him only the ability to read women’s minds and not men’s, is there something special about makeup that allows you to read women’s minds, why wouldn’t Mel Gibson use this ability to gamble against women to make more money, etc….. I could go on and on with this. If you are looking for mindless comedy that’s ok at best, go with this.

Event Horizon

Event Horizon
(1997) [Trailer]
Director: Paul W.S. Anderson (IMDB)

This review is only for my brother Steve Williams. If you are not Steve Williams close this page immediately. Ok Steve are you still there? Good... here we go.

Synopsis: You know the synopsis already man, you're the one that told me to watch this.

Good recommendation, I enjoyed this a lot. It's a nice blend of Alien meets The Thing meets Hellraiser... all wrapped up into a nice package. The effects seemed to hold up nicely and there were some spectacular set pieces... I especially loved the image of the astronaut walking down the hallway towards the gravity drive. The horror elements were really effective... the one scene of "hell" is quite disturbing and secured the film an extra star. Adrienne said "I don't like that woman's scary red eyes" so it's also doing something right there.

I will bump this into my top 50 just for you, cause I love you.... also cause it's creepy as shit.

Friday the 13th Part III

Friday the 13th Part III
(1982) [Trailer]
Director: Steve Miner (IMDB)

3D is so massive right now. Every new blockbuster seems to be in 3D and they even have 3D TV's. The technology has been around forever, in fact, they made this here movie in 3D. So why now? Some people are concerned with the meaning of life, I just want answers about 3D.

Synopsis: Kill Jason, Kill.

The addition of 3D to this franchise is a cool idea because they intentionally shot the movie to compliment it. Some people might have a problem with that fact; however, I enjoyed it. There's all the standard things one comes to expect from a Friday the 13th movie: stupid teenagers, jump scares, and a knife welding maniac. This is the first movie in the series where Jason dons the hockey mask, which makes it extra special in my heart of hearts. The effects still hold up nicely and same goes for the score.

The bad would be the cast, they all suck at acting for the most part, but nothing too damaging. The dialog is also kind of wanky in places. One more thing, if the main protagonist was attacked by Jason only two years earlier at Camp Crystal Lake, why the hell would she ever go back there? Just saying.

Make sure you pick this gem up on blu-ray, it includes two pairs of 3D glasses, also you don't need at 3D TV to watch it.