Too Much Horror Business (The Gate, House, House II, Hellraiser, and Hellbound:Hellraiser II)

Lately I've been on a little bit of an 80's horror bender. Netflix instant is a good dealer when it comes to getting my fix. Over the past few nights I've knocked out a few choice titles from my childhood that I used to enjoy.

The Gate

(1986) [Trailer]
Director: Tibor Takács (IMDB)

A couple of kids realize they're in deep shit when they find a gate to hell has opened up in their backyard. 

This movie stars Stephen Dorff in his first acting role, it's weird to think he was also the lead in one of my favorite films of 2011... Somewhere. He's pretty brutal in this and has come a long way. The movie isn't amazing but still fun. The Gate involves heavy metal and demons, which is always a good mix. I still really love the little monsters and the practical effects hold up nicely. The ending is a bit weak, but I'll save you from any spoilers.

House

(1986) [Trailer]
Director: Steve Miner (IMDB)

It's a house. It's haunted. You get the idea.

This movie stars William Katt, he was not in a favorite film of mine from 2011, or any other year really... but he was in The Greatest American Hero. He's actually decent in this. You also got some nice cameos by Norm from Cheers and Bull from Night Court.

Two things: The blond neighbor is ridiculous, who just leaves their child with a complete stranger? Also, the protagonist, who owns that many video cameras?

Again, I love the 80's special effects and the monsters look great, especially the fat girl one. I feel about the same on this and I did for The Gate.

House II

(1987) [Trailer]
Director: Ethan Wiley (IMDB)

Beside the fact that this takes place in a house, this movie bares no resemblance to House part one. This movie is absolutely in no way scary, it's more of a comedy with some horror tropes, practical effects, and puppets. I can't really think of anything negative to say about this, it almost seems silly to bash it. It's intentionally goofy and has this weird charm to it that I enjoy.

Hellraiser
(1987) [Trailer]
Director: Clive Barker (IMDB)

Evil critters (Cenobites) from the underworld are summoned into this dimension after Uncle Frank fucks around with a mystical cube.

This was of my favorite horror movies in high school and it still ranks highly on that list. It's loaded with tons of gore, great effects, and evil shit...all the stuff you need in an awesome horror flick. The Cenobites are creepy and still hold up... but that fat one's kinda dumb looking. The story line is pretty original and executed well in my opinion. There's loads of classic lines and scenes throughout this and it's a must see if you're into horror.

Hellbound: Hellraiser II
(1988) [Trailer]
Director: Tony Randel (IMDB)

The follow up to Hellraiser and basically the origins story for the Cenobites. I always loved the vision of hell depicted in this film, but after re-watching it, it doesn't hold up as nicely as I thought. You can definitely tell it's a painting in two different scenes. Example A. Example B. It still looks cool, jut not very believable... but then again what's believable about a puzzle box opening a gate to hell. One thing that's weak and convenient is that the doctor at the mental ward just happens to also be an avid collector of these cubes. Also... what's with the mental ward? It's a bit unrealistic down there in the basement. As much as it sounds like I hate this, I don't. I still absolutely enjoyed part two and it's just as gruesome as the first chapter. Sure it's not perfect, but who is?

John Carter

John Carter
(2012) [Trailer]
Director: Andrew Stanton (IMDB)

I posted yesterday in my review for 21 Jump Street that my initial movie of choice was John Carter, but unfortunately it had been yanked out of all the theaters in NYC... I was wrong. I found it and decided to check it out today. I had heard tons of mixed reviews about this movie and wasn't sure what I was gonna get.

John Carter is transported to Mars from Earth and thrown into the middle of a war between the locals.

I really enjoyed this movie a lot more then I thought I would. I figured (based off what I heard) it'd be pretty bad to middle of the road, but it's much better in my opinion. It performed extremely poor at the box office and lost Disney a ton of money, but I can say after watching it, it's not because of the film. It's a very solid sci-fi flick, and keeping in mind how old the story is, the retelling of it to the big screen was pretty seamless. Tim Riggins was excellent in this as JC... not Jesus Christ... John Carter. The special effects were very well done and looked fantastic in 3D. It can be a bit confusing at times and a little muddled, but if you stay with it through the end, everything eventually makes sense. I would recommend you get on this, it's still in theaters, not sure for how long though. The trailer is HERE.

21 Jump Street

21 Jump Street
(2012) [Trailer]
Director: Phil Lord (IMDB), Chris Miller (IMDB)

I'll be honest, I wasn't really planning on seeing this today, I actually wanted to check out John Carter but it's already been yanked from every theater in NYC (guess it really did do that bad.) I had heard this movie was actually pretty funny, so I decided to give it a poke.

Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum are two cops who are sent into a local high school to infiltrate a secret drug ring.

I was originally told, go into this movie with no expectations and you'll be pleasantly surprised. I went in with them (expectations), after being told it was good, but was still happy with the outcome. It's really hilarious at times and has some good action scenes. Tatum and Hill make a good team and seem to have genuine chemistry. I liked that it took shots at itself for being an unoriginal remake and for having a lot of cliches (i.e. Ice Cube playing the angry black police captain.) I also really enjoyed the drug use... that sounds bad... the scenes where they are enjoying the effects of drugs... never mind. The movie did have some pacing issues and I felt like it dragged on a bit, but nothing too damaging overall. James Franco's brother is a spitting image of him. That's all I got.

I'd recommend this if you're looking for a decent comedy. Nothing mind blowing but a fun time.

Cabin in the Woods

Cabin in the Woods
(2012) [Trailer]
Director: Joss Whedon (IMDB)

(No Spoilers)
I have been eagerly awaiting the release of this film for a few weeks now. As a fan of horror and a fan of Joss Whedon I knew it was more than likely going to please. One thing I didn't want to know about was the plot, I heard it had some twists and I didn't want the film to be spoiled for me. I am glad I made that choice.

Thor and a group of kids head out to a cabin in the woods for some R&R. Sounds a little like the synopsis to this review. Unlike that movie, this film takes some pretty surprising turns.

I knew I was going to like movie after the title of the film appears on screen for the first time about ten minutes in. This was a fun ride and extremely unique in the horror world, at least from anything that I've seen. It does a fine dance between paying homage to the classic horror films of the 70's and 80's while still taking jabs at how the genre has become stale and formulaic. I enjoyed the comedy in this a lot, especially from the stoner guy (Fran Kranz) and Richard Jenkins. There were a couple of holes in the plot that I found, but I'll save that as it gets into spoiler territory. As a whole, I was really happy with this movie and I'm looking forward to re-watching it soon. It opened this past weekend and you can check the trailer above.

Twilight Zone: The Movie

Twilight Zone: The Movie
(1983) [Trailer]
Directors: John Landis (IMDB), Steven Spielberg (IMDB), Joe Dante (IMDB), George Miller (IMDB)

This movie freaked me the hell out as a child. I remember being scared of racists, being scared of old people, being scared of other kids, and being scared of flying. Thanks to this movie all those things are still true.

Segment 1: After an epic racial tirade, this old anti Semite gets blasted back through time to see just how it feels to be on the receiving end of hate. I love this one. I know people will say it's preachy and shit, but they are bigots, so who cares. The Nazis have never looked more evil.  I think they could have found a better scenario then placing him in Vietnam however. The end is creepy and effective. Good Stuff.

Segment 2: Spielberg delivers a story of magic as old people get to feel what it's like to be young again. I think this is generally considered to be the worst of the bunch, I like it however. It's completely not scary, but still a fun tale and delivered with style. The one older kid with the cape kinda sucks though.

Segment 3: A women gets drawn into a house where a boy has any wish he wants come true. One of my all time favorite horror pieces. Joe Dante rules this segment and delivers a super creepy installment. The practical effects are the absolute best. They are scary yet maintain that cartoony look. I love the set design of this house. It's so unsettling and weird, the bedroom is sinister and the sister in it looks insane. I really can't praise this one enough. It's been awhile since I've seen it and it's probably better then I remember.

Segment 4: A man loses his shit on a flight when he sees a monster on the wing of his plane. John Lithgow's at his absolute best. He plays bat shit crazy extremely well. The scenes of the monster out on the wing is very spooky and mysterious. When you finally get the close up, the monster is great, he kinda looks like a gremlin meets the predator.

Definitely pick this up if you haven't seen it before. If you have, it's a fun revisit.

The Secret Garden

The Secret Garden
(1993) [Trailer]
Director: Agnieszka Holland (IMDB)

After putting my wife through over 8 hours worth of Transformers bullshit she decided to make me watch something she wanted to see. This was that movie. Yeah...

A little rich girls parents die and she's forced to move from India to England to live in a castle with her Uncle. She finds a (sorry spoiler) secret garden and a bunch of other shit.

I thought I was going to hate this when one of the first lines in the opening monologue is the little girl stating that she grew up in India and it was weird there. Sorry, but if you grew up there, it wouldn't be weird, it'd be normal. Moving to a huge fucking castle in England would be weird. I continued on and the movie got better. The performances by the kids were annoying at times, but kids are annoying, so what can you do? There's also some very weird incest stuff that's never really resolved going on in there, don't know about all that. The direction in the film is pretty solid and there's a lot of cool cinematography, especially the time lapse stuff in the garden. I also enjoyed the set pieces and location, everything seemed very authentic. I don't know.... it doesn't overstay it's welcome, the story isn't too bad, and the delivery is decent... it gets a pass.