Bad Milo

Bad Milo
(2013) [Trailer]
Director: Jacob Vaughan [IMDB]

Everyone has gone to the bathroom at one point in their lives and had an epic battle with the porcelain pony... and it stinks. That is what this site has been reduced to, scatological humor... sorry. But basically you're going to get an hour and a half of that if you dig into Bad Milo.

Synopsis: High amounts of stress cause a man, who looks like a cross between Ray Romano and Jason Bateman, to start growing an evil monster inside his bowels.

Checking out Bad Milo was priority after initially seeing the trailer a few weeks ago. It immediately reminded me of Basket Case (which I love) mixed with the Gremlins. I relish campy horror, and look forward to viewing anything within that realm, but I was a little uncertain whether Bad Milo could hold up... it does. It's no where near perfect but it is a fun movie that obviously doesn't take itself too seriously. I really like that they went practical used a puppet (or animatronics... not sure) but I wasn't a fan of the shitty (no pun intended) CGI blood. I mean if you're going to go all out and rock a hand crafted Milo, why not splurge and get some buckets of fake blood?

All told, Bad Milo made me laugh a few times, and it stays true to form. The film is raunchy at times, so if you're easily offended, steer clear... however I'd recommend it for horror fans. Also you get to hang out with Peter Stormare for a bit... love Peter Stormare.

You're Next

You're Next
(2013) [Trailer]
Director: Adam Wingard [IMDB]

You're Next has been getting a slew of impressive reviews but barely made any noise at the box office this past weekend. I really wanted to squeeze in time for its opening but couldn't get around to it until yesterday, when my good friend and movie going buddy Doug accompanied me to the cheapo theater in queens... I love the cheapo theater.

Synopsis: A family reunion goes south quickly as they soon come to find out they've been targeted for extermination by home invaders.

You're Next was a banger and really exceeded my expectations, which weren't really low... so that's good right? It's dabbles in the slasher and home invasion genres but offers a pretty unique twist which was refreshing (I won't go into it... you know... spoilers and stuff.) If I had went into this movie and received another Funny Games or The Strangers, I would have been let down. Not that those are bad films, they rule, but I wanted something fresh and You're Next delivered. Two things that really impressed me, besides the spoiler stuff I can't get into, were the score and pacing. The score rings out nods to some of the best 80's synth scores around, think Carpenter meets Tangerine Dream, it was a real treat. With the pacing, right out of the gate You're Next offers up a brutal scene that hooks you, then works itself through another hour and a half of good times without seeming boring or stale.

There were a few issues acting-wise but other than that I can't think of any real negatives that spoiled the experience.

I'd definitely spend some time with this film, especially if you're a horror fan.

Sharknado

Sharknado
(2013) [Trailer]
Director: Anthony C. Ferrante [IMDB]

Unless you're internet illiterate you've probably heard about SyFy's newest smash hit Sharknado. Sharks seem to be all the rage, they even have their own week now, so why not capitalize off that and make a movie about them forming a tornado of death. Seems legit. 

Synopsis: I think you can figure it out.

This movie is terrible. I strongly considered not wasting my time with a review, but after a couple of days away from it, I felt I should belt out a few words. I am a firm believer in the "so bad it's good" credo and I know many films that would fall into this category... Sharknado is not one of them. The casting is sad, the performances are even sadder... is that a word? I mean, Tara Reid is a mother of two fully grown adults, Tara Reid... the girl from American Pie, who is only in her 30's. 

Sharknado could have been hilarious, but its overly serious tone and bad CG just did nothing for me. There will be those who tell you "It's about sharks, in a tornado, come on... it's great." They would be lying to you. Save your time and watch Leprechaun.

Prince Avalanche

Prince Avalanche
(2013) [Trailer]
Director: David Gordon Green [IMDB]

I haven't given David Gordon Green enough of my attention on this site and for someone I admire as much as him, I really should start throwing more of my time his way. I've seen every one of his films and dug them all... now comes Prince Avalanche. Based off the trailer, it looked fantastic, now I'll tell you if it held together.

Synopsis: Paul Rudd and Emile Hirsch are two roadside construction workers in Texas... this is their story.

I found Prince Avalanche to be boring overall and a bit of a let down. It's a film with very little story and not much happens throughout it. I find with films of this nature, if you're going to take out traditional elements of storytelling you need to fill the gap with someone else. Prince Avalanche is extremely well shot and a beautiful film. It also is tightly constructed and has a soothing score, but it wasn't enough. I feel like the characters, while not horrible, just weren't that interesting and didn't help cement the cracks from the loss of story.

I wish I could say I liked this as much as I do all of DGG's other films, but I don't.

Classic 80's Horror Double Feature: The Fog and The Howling

Recently the greatest studio known to man or beast, Shout Factory, opened the flood gates on horror fans with brand new transfers of The Howling and The Fog onto baby blu. I figured it'd be a good time to rewatch these classics and pay homage to two of my favorite directors.

The Fog
(1980) [Trailer]
Director: John Carpenter [IMDB]

My worship of John Carpenter has been well documented with the hallowed halls of Williams Film Review... don't believe me, then click here. It would be extremely perplexing to try and arrange JC's movies in order from "best" to "not so great" (he doesn't make "worst" films... well maybe, I just have a hard time dealing with it.) Let's say I were to try... The Fog would be in the upper echelon, maybe like 4th or 5th, but definitely in the top 3 for horror from him.

This is the part where I'd normally say "let's put this in and see how it holds up", but that's not needed here... it holds.

Synopsis: Shit gets weird when a small California town stands at the threshold of it's 100 year anniversary and a looming fog roles in off the sound.

I really dig how The Fog opens up, especially the first 20 minutes which are truly ominous and strange. It's fun to watch the town slowly break and shatter as the initial wave of fog creeps onto the scene. After that, when the first daybreak hits, it's Carpenter's job to reel in the story and give you context, which he does masterfully. Then that ending... it's sick. The cross that's too hot to handle for the priest carrying the sins of Antonio Bay, the red eyed veiled threat slowly marching towards its victims, and just when you think everything is cool... nope.

The Fog is indeed a classic. It's a juicy filet mignon, with the correct proportions of seasoning, seared off in a little butter and served medium... in other words... a nice meal.

The Howling
(1981) [Trailer]
Director: Joe Dante [IMDB]

I also love Joe Dante. His films are like tequila... when I drink one I feel all warm inside and if his titles are like tequila brands, then The Howling is like his Patron (that's a nice tequila right?) It has been years since I took a swig of this concoction and as I recollect, it was terrifying, especially the transformation scenes... I mean look at that poster over there to the left... scary shit man.

Synopsis: A killer is on the lose in San Fran. A local reporter gets tangled up in a trail that leads to the killer and a lot more.... and by more I mean killer werewolves.

Upon inserting the blu-ray into my player I began to hear the intro music on the menu screen and a huge smile developed on my face. It was comforting, just like this rest of the film. I was surprised to remember so much of The Howling as it unfolded before me. It's still creepy and weird and totally feels like a Dante film. It's a little slow moving during the first half, but makes up for it by the end. The special effects are like a fine chevre and just get better with time, people may disagree with the statement, but they would be wrong.

If you're into werewolves and want to see what they were like in film before Twilight, give this a poke.

Elysium

Elysium
(2013) [Trailer]
Director: Neill Blomkamp [IMDB]

I've been looking forward to checking out Elysium for some time now. I enjoyed Neill Blomkamp's first film District 9 and the trailer for Elysium looked to be within the same wheelhouse. Visually speaking, Blomkamp is one of the best directors working in the sci-fi genre, but can he bring another hit or will he suffer from the sophomore slump?

Synopsis: In a dystopian future the Earth and all its poor folk are left to ruin while its wealthier inhabitants live on a lush space station overlooking the shit show down below.

All the people that teared apart Prometheus for its plot holes can suck it. This film makes Prometheus look wired tight. I normally don't have a problem looking past plot holes, but there are way too many glaringly obvious ones with Elysium.

Skip the following list and head to the next paragraph if you're worried about spoilers.

Plot holes:

1. In the late 21st century with all the technology the people of Earth have (imagine the internet by then), you're telling me there's not one person down there that can't figure out how to make one of those medical beds? 
2. Why exactly do they need humans to man factories when they now have these super advanced robots that are fully capable of policing the Earth? 
3. Why doesn't Elysium enact the no fly zone everywhere? They could only open it up for their ships, thus getting rid of the constant threat of rogue ships flying there. 
4. Speaking of rogue ships, why would anyone from Earth try and fly to Elysium knowing that most of the time they only get blown up, or immediately captured and sent back.?

That's enough, there are way more, but this is getting lengthy. I know it sounds like I hated Elysium, I didn't. It was a highly entertaining film and I never felt bored at any moment watching it. It does excel in the visual department, as I expected, but there were also a lot of gory moments which ruled. The set pieces and locations were well constructed and absolutely sell the crap world Blomkamp is trying to give you. Matt Damon was good, Jodie Foster was average, and the South African bad guy was a little over the top... but I didn't mind him. 

Sadly, this could have been a better film, but the loose plot and weak story just didn't do it for me. I will end up buying this and rewatching it at some point, I think it may get better with time... who knows. 

The Conjuring

The Conjuring
(2013) [Trailer]
Director: James Wan [IMDB]

I desperately wanted to dig into this film after initially seeing the trailer. I loved James Wan's last movie, Insidious, and was curious to see his follow up. My friend Doug (and everyone else) was really hyping this up, he loved it so much he went to see it again with me tonight. So here it is... my review.

Synopsis: Based off a true story, husband and wife demon hunters are dispatched to a house in rural Rhode Island to help a family of 7 battle evil spirits.

This is by far one of the scariest films I've sat through in recent memory... which is a good thing. If you're into the horror genre, this is a must see. The Conjuring takes the supernatural subgenre and plays within it perfectly. Movies like The Exorcist and The Shining are easy comparisons, but for good reason because The Conjuring holds its own with those titles. I felt there was nothing cheesy about the film ... it's well crafted, paced perfectly, and terrifying. Doug had mentioned before going into it that the acting was the best he had seen in a horror movie... and he's right... it's up there. Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, and Lili Taylor are all excellent, it was also awesome to see Peter from Office Space... I love that guy.

The technical elements of the film were also a huge plus. The cinematography was on point and the sound design was eerie as hell. There's one frame that stuck with me of a young girl standing at the top a staircase... it  was something straight out a Kubrick joint. The fact that everything, including the wall paper in the staircase scene, is set in the early 70's also gave the film a nice breath of uniqueness.

I'm trying to think of something negative to say about The Conjuring and honestly I can't. The ending is a little happy, I guess that's bad... or good... I don't know. It doesn't matter... go see the damn thing.