Pain & Gain

Pain & Gain
(2013) [Trailer]
Director: Michael Bay (IMDB)

The Williams brothers are coming at you with a first. Dueling reviews on the same movie... on the same day. We both, along with Papi Williams, went out to the theater together to check out a flick and get in a little bonding time. There wasn't much out we could all agree on except for Michael Bay's newest flick... Pain & Gain. Michael Bay is responsible for the worst movie trilogy of all time... Transformers. After watching those God awful films you would think I would have wrote Mr. Bay off. He did manage to make The Rock and Armageddon, which I enjoyed, so I thought I'd give him another chance.

Synopsis: Based on true events, three muscle bound trainers hatch a plan to rob a rich client of all his money... things don't go according to plan.

I thought Pain & Gain was a decent enough film and entertaining for the most part. It definitely feels like a Michael Bay film... there are lots of models, fast cars, flashy camera angles, and the police look like army soliders. Also... it's set in Miami which is basically the prefect town for one of his films. The story is engrossing and feels like something you'd see in a Coen Brothers film... basically idiots getting deeper and deeper into the shit because of money. The great thing is that most of the film is true, which makes it even more interesting. Wahlberg and The Rock were both pretty good and their partner (not sure his name and I'm too lazy to look him up) was alright as well.

Some of laughs and characters fell flat for me... especially the blond english chick and the guy from Community. The movie is also long and the last 3o mins drags on.

Pain & Gain is worth it, if you're into dark comedies about crime, give it a go.

The Place Beyond the Pines

The Place Beyond the Pines
(2013) [Trailer]
Director: Derek Cianfrance [IMDB]

Derek Cianfrance cranked out one of my favorite films in 2010... Blue Valentine. So I was happy to hear he was teaming back up with Ryan Gosling (so hot right now) again for a new film. I didn't know anything about The Place Beyond the Pines going into it, I just wanted to be surprised... and boy was I.

Synopsis: A young motorcycle stunt driver's bad decisions affect his and a rookie cop's life in unforeseen ways.

The Place Beyond the Pines unfolds in a really interesting and unique way that was masterfully executed on screen by Mr. Cianfrance. This film will be pretty difficult to talk about without getting into spoilers but I'm gonna try and do my best since it's still in the theaters. The introduction of characters and where they exist within the timeline of the story keeps things fresh and makes the run time (140 mins) not seem so long. There were a few believability issues I had, but not enough to ruin the picture. The music, cinematography and locations were all perfect and helped deliver a pleasurable viewing experience.

My wife said before we watched this that she had heard it's depressing... that wouldn't surprise me after seeing Blue Valentine. The events that take place throughout A Place Beyond the Pines were somewhat of a bum out at times, but that mixed with all the other elements of the film just make great cinema. For me, the ending of this movie wasn't a downer at all, it had a "there's a light at the end of the tunnel" vibe to it.

This is an absolute recommendation from me if you're into crime dramas with a little twist to them. I loved it.

The Twilight Saga

No movie franchise out there gets more hatred than the Twilight Saga. I know, as a cinephile, one is meant to automatically despise these films... but why? Sure, I've heard the reasons, but when it comes down to it I can't say shit... you know why? I haven't seen these fucking movies. Nothing annoys me more than someone who is so steadfastly against a film they have no experience watching. In my opinion, you have no opinion on Twilight unless you've sat down and watched them. So, I decided to strap in and form my own opinion on these films. Let's see if they're really as bad as people think they are.

Twilight

(2008) [Trailer]

Director: Catherine Hardwicke [IMDB]

Synopsis: Bella goes to stay with her dad in a small Washington town where she starts to fall for a young vampire named Edward.

My first impression of this film is that... it's not that bad. Before watching it I was expecting this to be the worst piece of shit I've ever seen and it's no where near close to that (Catwoman). The acting is spotty at times and the story has a few plot holes, but nothing too damaging to the whole ride. I thought Twilight was an entertaining story and it unfolds at a respectable pace. 

The color correction in Twilight is definitely noticeable, everything is very saturated and seems unreal. The effects they used whenever someone runs super fast looked awful and almost humorous at times.   

I can see why people think this is a movie for teenage girls, but it isn't nearly as bad as the wrap it gets.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

(2009) [Trailer]

Director: Chris Weitz [IMDB]

Synopsis: Jacob, who's more of an afterthought in the first movie, is now thrust into the spotlight as he falls in love with Bella after Edward takes off on her... ahhh young love.

This installment was a little lack luster in my opinion. It feels similar to the first chapter aesthetically, but the story is pretty boring. It's basically Kristin Stewart trying to figure out who she loves and it starts to get boring fast. Halfway through I was ready for New Moon to wrap up, but no.... it keeps going and going and takes forever to finish. In terms of traditional story telling, New Moon completely veers off course. There's no real interesting exposition, no climax, and no resolution. It's a bit of a wet noodle and gets a failing grade at the school of WFR.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
(2010) [Trailer]
Director: David Slade [IMDB]

Synopsis: Bella has to choose between the two boys and everyone braces for a conflict with a rogue group of young vampires.

Eclipse comes back with a much easier story to digest and I'd say it's the strongest of the series so far, but not by a lot. The lead up and execution of the battle gives you something to look forward too, it also breaks up the romance which is what the last movie needed.

Jacob is always shirtless in Eclipse and it's hilarious. Why? I mean I know the guy is ripped but seriously it starts to become really ridiculous. His wolf pack doesn't wear shirts, I'm assuming because they turn into wolves and don't want to ruin a good shirt, but what about their cut off jean shorts?

 

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

(2011) [Trailer]

Director: Bill Condon [IMDB]

Synopsis: Bella and Edward tie the knot... finally. After their honeymoon Bella finds out she's preggers... but things don't go according to plan.

This film was overly stale and a yawn-fest. It, like New Moon, doesn't go anywhere interesting. The first half of Part 1 is basically Bella and Edward getting married and going on a honeymoon. Sure, they finally bone and for many people invested heavily into their romance it was probably a big deal... I could have cared less honestly. It's slightly better than New Moon because it doesn't feel as long, but that's about it. 

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 

(2011) [Trailer]

Director: Bill Condon [IMDB]

Synopsis: Bella and Edward finally have their child and in order to deliver it... spoiler... Bella finally turns and becomes a vampire.

First things first... the CG baby. What in the actual fuck... they couldn't find a normal baby? They had to CG a baby face? It's creepy as shit and extremely distracting.

This slice of Twilight injects a ton of new characters without giving you any real knowledge of who they are or why they are important... only that they're there to help the Cullens battle against the Volturi (the vampires who run shit.) The lead up to the final battle is alright, but the outcome of the fight is a little lame. Jacob becomes a glorified babysitter, guess he got the short end of the stick. Part 2 wraps up the saga in a decent way, but still left me feeling a little underwhelmed.

The Twilight Saga is ok. Nothing great. Nothing offensive... well maybe a few little things. Overall I wasn't too bent out of shape running through these films. I can say the Transformers Trilogy (Saga) was way more shitty than Twilight. Fucking Michael Bay.

The Lords of Salem

The Lords of Salem
(2013) [Trailer]
Director: Rob Zombie [IMDB]

Rob Zombie is hit or miss in my book. I really loved Devil's Rejects, but I hated House of a 1000 Corpses. When I saw the trailer for The Lords of Salem a few months back, I gotta admit, I was really interested in checking it out. I may not love everything Mr. Zombie cranks out, but he's currently one of the more unique voices in horror working today, so I'll give him my time.

Synopsis: Heidi is a radio DJ who stumbles across a record that plays the hypnotic tune of the Salem witches. After a few plays she starts to fall into its spell.

Before watching this film I had heard a lot of mixed reviews on it, more than I normally get for most films. It seemed that most people either liked it, or hated it.... for me it was a slam dunk. It's not perfect, but it's pretty awesome for what it is. Rob Zombie definitely doesn't hide his influences on this. You get a heavy vibe from Kubrick, Lynch, Jodorowsky, and Polanski in the film. The Lords of Salem feels very unlike any of Rob's other films, but in a good way. It gives off the feeling that he's growing as a film maker and this is a step in the right directions for me. Visually it's a mind fuck and it packs some amazing shots. There's a few scenes that raised the arm hairs a little.

I can't really think of much I didn't like about this film. Maybe the story could have been cleaned up and made a little stronger... but I'd say for fans of horror, especially of the  psychological sub genre, get on this. It's a winner in my book.

Battleship

Battleship
(2012) [Trailer]
Director:  Peter Berg [IMDB]

I was debating whether or not I was going to review this film. My brother reviewed it a while back. I felt since it'd already been represented on the site and I'm a lazy bastard... then screw it... it doesn't need another review. But alas, I mustered up the strength to belt out a few words on this monstrosity... so here we go.

Synopsis: A board game meets space aliens starring Rihanna.

Man.... where to start with this. I knew before going into Battleship that it was going to be bad, but I didn't release how laughably bad it was. It's really cheesy and felt like a commercial for the Navy most of the time you're watching it. To say there are plot holes would be an understatement. For example, aliens have the technology to travel hundreds of lightyears to our planet but they don't have the ability to send an email back home without using our satellites? The characters are all surface level and don't have any real depth, but it's a popcorn blockbuster, so I guess we give it a pass in that department. The scientist is one of the biggest morons out there.... they actually wrote a part into this where he sees a guy with prosthetic legs and thinks he's an alien? Really, you're a college graduated scientist and you've never seen a guy with prosthetic legs?

Battleship wasn't a total waste. I sat through the 2+ hour run time and was entertained, so it has got that going for it. There's also a pretty cool montage of them prepping the battleship for the final fight, which I thought was alright. Maybe if you're really bored on a Sunday afternoon, give it a go, but don't try too hard to track it down.

The Fury

The Fury
(1978) [Trailer]
Director: Brian De Palma [IMDB]

Variety is the spice of life. Going from films like From Beyond to To the Wonder to The Fury keeps things interesting for me. One ingredient I haven't skimped out on in this gumbo of movie reviews I make is Brian De Palma. He has gotten some love from me here at WFR and for good reason. His films are truly entertaining and always aim to please. Recently I picked up this Twilight Time release for way too much money... so now, I'll tell you if it was worth it.

Synopsis: A man must fight against a secret government agency holding his son capivate because of his psychic abilities.

The Fury was a pretty awesome film. It has that cool late 70's vibe to it and resonates a strong Hitchcockian vibe to it... only with more blood. Kirk Douglas, John Cassavetes, and Amy Irving were all really good and Andrew Stevens has a very gnarly protruding forehand vein. I loved the use of gore in The Fury, while not extremely prevalent, when it's there it's effective... with the ending being the cherry on top.

Plotwise, there were a few things that felt hard to digest and some pacing issues, but overall this film is a winner in my book. If you don't feel like dishing out the absurd $30 price tag that Twilight Time releases have, go download it... it's worth a poke.

To the Wonder

To the Wonder
(2013) [Trailer]
Director: Terrence Malick [IMDB]

I was planning on checking out and reviewing this film opening day (last Friday), but I got a little side tracked. Well... not really a little side tracked, but a lot of side tracked. My appendix ruptured and I had to have some pretty intense surgery that left me out of the reviewing game for a short spell. Now I'm back home recouping and due to the magic of VOD, I don't have to leave my house (which sucks in my current condition) to knock back a new review of the master's (Terrence Malick) newest installment... To the Wonder.

Synopsis: Ben Affleck falls in love in Paris with a woman who he brings back to Oklahoma and make his happily wedded wife.

I would consider Terrence Malick one of the greatest directors living today... especially in the art-house genre. I've seen every one of his films and pretty much loved each of them. To the Wonder, for me, was one of the biggest must see films in the 2013 bracket. Now with all that said, where does this film stand?

Right after I finished it I thought... hmmm... 4 stars? It was everything you'd want Malick to throw up on screen. Beautiful narration, seemingly flawless cinematography, and inspired locations that feel untraveled by other auteurs. Still something felt a little lost on me. It seemed to play its hand for a while and I felt myself disconnecting with the film from time to time.

After finishing it, I got online, dorked around a bit, and then decided to bang out this review. I sat here and thought how I'd like to approach my review, what things disappointed me... then I realized I couldn't think of anything. Beside the pacing issue I mentioned, it's perfect. There are scenes in this film that make me feel something for life and humanity. I wanted to travel through the same grassy fields and stare at the same wildebeests. It was really gorgeous and pure.

Malick is an artist that I think most people either love or don't care about. His cinematic voice is a strong one, which can't be denied. Even if you didn't like this film, I think you could appreciate it's integrity.